In mid August, 1990, our military troops deployed to Saudi Arabia in support of Operation Desert Shield. My cousin, Lynda, and I were on vacation in Arizona, when the news came over the radio. The newscaster also made an announcement about 'Operation Dear Abby' and encouraged Americans to write to our deployed troops to boost their morale. As soon as I returned to PA, I drafted seven letters - each addressed to "Any Serviceman".

At the end of September, I received a letter in the mail from my first military pen-pal. His name was Steve and he was a Staff Sergeant with the 82nd Airborne. Like me, he was divorced and had two sons. Like me, he had no plans of marrying again for a long time. We had many things in common besides our failed marriages, and soon long letters were being exchanged.

On January 16, 1991, I was with my children at the library when the announcement came over the loudspeaker that the liberation of Kuwait was underway. I remember my eyes filling with tears for a soldier I had never met - had never even seen a photo of - but nonetheless felt a bond with.

During the war, I continued to write. Fifteen to twenty page novels were mailed out each week, even though Steve's letters had stopped. I knew that he probably didn't have much time to write, but I never stopped sending him my messages from home.

On February 28 - after learning that the war was finally over - I mailed out one more letter. I didn't even know if Steve was still alive; I hadn't heard from him in weeks. This letter was different. I ended it with a request that Steve call me when he got back to the states, and included my home phone number. I just wanted to know he was safe.

Over the next few weeks, I received a handful of letters from Steve - but they were all dated late January and early February. I felt better knowing that he was OK and wondered if he had received the letter with my phone number.

At the end of March, early on a Saturday afternoon, my phone rang. The voice on the other end was a stranger's.

"Is this Susan?"

"Yes it is"

"This is Steve. I just wanted to let you know that I was back in North Carolina."

A grin stretched across my face and I practically shrieked at him, "When did you get home?!"

I don't remember too many details of the conversation. I do remember Steve asking me if it would be OK for him to come to Philadelphia to meet me the following weekend. He has a sister and brother-in-law who lived in Scranton, PA at the time, and planned on going to visit them. Since he would practically be in the neighborhood... Of course I told him it would be great to finally meet the man I had written to for so many months.

The day of our meeting arrived. I wasn't nervous at all. I cared for Steve in the way that you would care for a good friend. I wasn't expecting anything to come out of our meeting. In fact, I was fully convinced that we would meet, share a nice afternoon together, and then gradually drift apart. And that was fine. After all, he lived in NC and I lived in PA. Everyone knows that long distance relationships don't work. Right?

I took my sons with me when I drove to Cherry Hill, NJ to pick Steve up at the hotel where he was staying. His sister, Elaine, and her husband, John (and their daughter, Caprice) had driven Steve to NJ with plans to do their own sightseeing while he and I were taking in the attractions in downtown Philadelphia. I told Steve that I would be driving a red Camaro and to watch for me. I didn't want to leave my boys in the car, while I went looking for his hotel room.

I pulled into the parking lot and got out of the car. I then noticed a tall, "army bald" man coming down the stairs towards me. I wasn't 100% sure it was him - I had never even seen a photo! (He had the advantage as I had sent him a photo in one of our earliest correspondences.) The man coming towards me had a wide smile plastered on his face; a dead giveaway. I matched his smile and we walked towards each other.

Without hesitation, I put my arms around his neck, gave him a peck on the lips, and said "Welcome Home". I wanted him to know how proud I was of him, and how much I respected him for his military service. We jumped back in the car and crossed the bridge back into PA.

At breakfast, Steve told army stories to my boys (Brandon was 7 and Chris was 12). Like most boys, they wanted to hear about the tanks and the missiles and the hand grenades. They also remembered their Desert Storm trading cards, and wanted to hear about every plane and vehicle and weapon featured in the deck. They monopolized the conversation, but I didn't care. It gave me an opportunity to study Steve's face. And I liked what I saw in his gentle blue eyes.

After breakfast, we went to Independence Hall and the Liberty Bell and then wandered through a few of the museums. As an added surprise, I hired a carriage to take us on a ride through historical Society Hill. Steve had never been to Philadelphia and I wanted to share my hometown with him as best I could. In the carriage, he and I sat across from one another - facing each other. I couldn't see his eyes through his dark sunglasses and wondered what he was thinking. When the ride was over, we went into a local restaurant and I insisted that Steve order a cheesesteak for lunch. No one comes to Philadelphia without sampling one of our famous cheesesteaks! Fortunately, the restaurant had some arcade games to occupy the boys. While they were off playing games, Steve and I finally got a chance to talk. I felt totally at ease with him and we talked about our families and our friends and our lives.

After walking a bit more through downtown, I invited Steve back to my house. I knew I'd have to take him back to NJ at the end of the day, but I didn't mind. I didn't want the day to end. As soon as we got to the house, the boys went out to play with their friends - giving Steve and I the opportunity to talk some more. About an hour before sunset, I gathered up the boys and we took a drive down to the river. While they played in the playground, Steve and I sat out on a fishing pier, cross-legged, watching the sun go down and the moon come up to take its place.

"Do you know I used to look at the moon and wonder what you were doing?", he said.

I was pleasantly surprised to learn he thought of me when he was alone pulling guard duty or lying on his sleeping bag under the night sky. I even thought that he might try to kiss me at that moment. The timing would be perfect... But it never happened.

"I better be getting back. It's been a long day, and I'm sure you're tired", he suddenly said, getting to his feet.

Back at the hotel, I walked Steve to his room. Standing outside his door was a bit awkward. Was he going to kiss me then? Did I want him to kiss me? How did I feel about him? How did he feel about me?

"I really like you a lot", he said.

"I like you too".

"No.. I really like you A LOT", he said with emphasis on the 'A LOT' part of the sentence.

"We can continue to talk by phone, and I promise to write to you. And if you're ever passing through Philly again, we can hang out.... But... long distance relationships don't work." There, I said it!

I was at a place in my life where I had a great job, a new house, a new car, my independence. What was the point of trying to pursue a relationship with a guy who lived 500 miles away? I had no intentions of changing my life - and he certainly couldn't change his. Somebody would just get hurt.

He leaned towards me and kissed me then. I figured it was the last time I would see him, and that was OK. I would certainly miss our correspondence with one another, but we both had lives to lead. I was happy that we had such a great time spending the day together.

The next morning, Steve called me from his sister's house. He was getting ready to board a plane back to NC and wanted to thank me for the fabulous time. It felt nice to hear his voice again and I was impressed that he would call me and thank me once again.

The following weekend, Steve called again. "I'm standing in the hallway of the barracks on a payphone. I don't know how much time I have left on my phonecard. Would you be willing to call me back if it runs out?" It was about noon.

At 5pm, we were still on the phone! His phone card had run out after about three hours, but I was happy to pick up the tab for the rest of the call. One of the other guys living in the barracks felt bad for Steve - who had been standing for more than 2 hours - and brought him a chair. That five-hour conversation was the turning point for me. We discussed so many things in that phonecall; I felt I could see directly into his mind and his heart. We talked about religion, our childhood, our first marriages, our insecurities, our fears, our hopes and dreams, the world, politics, the things we liked to do for fun, everything you could possibly think of. And we laughed; we laughed a lot! By the time I hung up the phone, I could feel a warmth envelope me. I was in love! I even called my mother and told her that I was in love! I asked her if she thought I was crazy for feeling so strongly about a man I had spent one day with. She said, "Stranger things have happened".

Throughout the remainder of April, we called each other almost daily. Sometimes we could only speak for 10 minutes or so - other times we spoke for marathon sessions. I made plans to drive to NC the first weekend in June to visit him.

I had never driven 500 miles alone, so I asked him if he'd mind me bringing my cousin, Lynda, with me. He didn't mind at all. He booked us adjoining rooms, explaining that Lynda and I could stay in one room and he'd stay in the other. Lynda and I arrived at the hotel earlier than expected and were given keys to our room. Waiting in our room was a dozen roses with a card addressed to me that said: "I can't wait to see you again". Laying next to the bouquet was one long-stem rose with a card on it for Lynda. It said, "Thanks for coming with Susan on the trip". That about clinched it for my cousin. "If you don't want him, I'll take him!", she laughed.

We spent the weekend sightseeing at Fort Bragg. Steve took us to the Airborne Museum and we drove past the jump towers. Later that evening we went out for dinner. Before leaving for the restaurant, Steve and I were alone in his room talking. I was standing with my back against the wall and we had our arms around each other. He leaned towards me and kissed me. "I love you, Susan", he said. It felt natural to say, "I love you too, Steve". I felt my eyes well up with tears as I said goodbye to him the next morning. We didn't know when we'd ever get a chance to see each other again.

Almost two months later - in late July - Steve was approved to attend the 82nd Airborne Convention in Buffalo, NY. He made plans to drive all the way, picking me up when he passed through PA. We spent three days at Niagara Falls. We had a wonderful time, dined in fine restaurants, and did a lot of sight-seeing. On the way back to NC, Steve dropped me off in PA and again we parted sadly - not knowing when we'd see each other again.

In late August, Steve took two weeks leave. I invited him to spend it in Philadelphia with me. I made plans to take him to the Jersey Shore and to Six Flags Great Adventure. We also made plans to visit his sister and her family. It was our third visit with each other after meeting in person back in April. Halfway through his second week in town, while cuddling, Steve said, "Did you mean it when you said you didn't think you'd want to get married again?"

"Are you asking me something?"

"Officially... no. I don't want to ask you something so important until I have everything perfect. I want to be able to give you a beautiful engagement ring and I don't have one yet."

"It doesn't matter if you have a ring or not. That's only a token. It has nothing to do with how we feel about each other."

Reaching behind his neck, Steve unclasped the gold chain he had bought in Saudi Arabia during the war. It was a 22 karat chain that he hadn't taken off since the day he bought it. It was his "souvenir" from the war. Pulling my hair to one side, he placed the chain around my neck. It was still warm from his skin when it came to rest against my chest.

In a low voice, Steve said, "When we are apart and you miss me, I want you to reach down and touch this chain and remember that it used to lay next to my heart. It is the chain that binds us, and I don't want you to take it off until I replace it with a ring on your finger." That moment was absolutely beautiful...

In October, for our fourth visit, I was able to go back to NC by train for a long weekend. We drove to the Blue Ridge Mountains and stayed in a log cabin. We hiked Grandfather Mountain and I adored the way that Steve took my hand and helped me to climb the steeper parts of the path. He made me feel so safe.

As Christmas grew closer, Steve decided to spend the holiday in Philadelphia with me. I wanted it to be special for him. I booked my friend's limousine service, picked up a couple of bottles of champagne, and bought a new dress. The limo dropped me at the terminal and I walked to the gate. Soon Steve got off the plane - looking magnificent in his Class A's (dress greens). All eyes were on us as we moved towards each other and kissed. When he saw the limo waiting for us outside, his eyes lit up and a huge grin spread across his face. "How perfect!"

He asked the driver to take the "long way" home. We sipped champagne and held each other. Then Steve reached into his carry-on bag and pulled out an adorable teddy bear with a heart on its chest. I also noticed that the bear had a zipper on his belly. "Open it", Steve said.

I pulled the zipper down and out fell a black velvet box. Inside was a marquise shaped diamond solitaire. I started to cry as Steve got down on one knee and asked me formally if I would spend the rest of my life with him. Of course, I said YES! He placed the ring on my finger and we toasted our engagement. Then, I removed his chain from my neck and placed it back around his neck. "I guess I won't be needing this anymore".

Christmas came and went quickly and it was soon late February. Steve and I hadn't managed to find any time to visit each other since we became engaged, and our phone bills topped $500.00/month combined.

I received an important call from him in early March. "Are you sitting down?" Oh, gosh... I hate when someone starts the conversation off with that question.

"What?" I asked in a panic.

"I came down on orders."

"Where are they sending you?"

"How do you feel about living in Italy for a couple of years?"

"Italy!!! When are you leaving?! I don't know... Oh gosh... Why do you have to go??!!!" All of my fears and excitement and anger and confusion were coming out in a torrent of words.

"We have to get married soon, if you want to go. I'll have to get you and the boys put on my orders. I'm supposed to leave in June."

I had to make a decision and I had to make it fast. "OK! I'll go! Now I have to plan a wedding - and fast!"

Over the next few weeks, I planned our wedding. I bought a beautiful wedding dress that I found on sale. My sister-in-law offered to make my bouquets and table centerpieces using silk flowers. My friend with the limousine company offered a car to me. My best friend, Lee, offered to videotape the affair. My cousin's husband, Paul, offered to take still shots (he was a newspaper journalist). Another friend's wife offered to bake all the desserts. She had just returned to the US after graduating as a Pastry Chef from a culinary arts school in Paris. Another friend loaned me a trellis and within hours my sister-in-law and I had it decorated with silk roses and baby's breath. I began calling Pastors and Priests and Judges to see if I could find someone who would be willing to come to me for the ceremony. I had decided to hold the ceremony in the same banquet hall I was having the reception to make things easier and to cut costs even further. I found a Lutheran Pastor who agreed. (I was raised Catholic, but it didn't matter to me!) Another friend worked at a favored restaurant in the area and got me a great deal on a sit-down dinner for 100 guests. Everyone worked so hard to help me plan a wonderful wedding on such short notice.

The day before the wedding, Steve arrived in PA. He and his Best Man Marty - another soldier - booked a room at a nearby hotel. I desperately wanted to see my husband-to-be, but Steve insisted that we wait until the wedding. I hadn't seen him since Christmas!

The next day, on April 5th, 1992, I was chauffeured to the restaurant with my Maid of Honor and Flower Girl (my small wedding party). I still hadn't seen Steve, but family members told me he was there and looking very handsome in his Dress Blues. The music soon started and both my father, and my son Chris, walked me down the aisle towards the rose-covered trellis where Steve was waiting for me with tears in his eyes.

The rest of the day is a happy blur. I remember sharing my happiness with all of those people who I love the most. I remember dancing, and laughing, and kissing my new husband, and posing for pictures, and feeling like everything in my life was absolutely PERFECT.

Steve and I took off for a romantic hotel in the area. No phones, no television, a Jacuzzi in our room, champagne in the refrigerator, breakfast in bed... just beautiful. We had two spectacular days and nights with one another - uninterrupted. And then he left... Steve had to get back to Fort Bragg. He was only given a 4-day pass for the wedding. I cried as I said goodbye to the man I just married two days earlier.

About a week after Steve returned to Fort Bragg, he called me with some more news.... "Are you sitting down?"

Oh, no....

"They deleted my orders for Italy. We're going to Fort Benning, Georgia".

I was speechless. The silence must have gone on for longer than Steve was comfortable with. "Are you sorry you married me?", he asked.

"Never", I replied

And I will always respond to that question the same way!

In late August, 2005, Steve once again went off to war. Almost 15 years before, to the day, he picked up the first of many letters that I sent off to the Middle East. We had come full circle. Only with this war... that soldier not only had a name and a face - but he had my heart.

While he was gone, I wore that same gold chain around my neck - where he placed it before he left. It has become a symbol to us... a circle of gold which binds us to one another, and he places it there whenever we have to be apart for long periods of time.

April 3rd, 2009: In a few days, Steve and I will celebrate our 17th wedding anniversary. He retired from the army in 2007, after 23 years of service. We stayed in Alaska - our final duty station - after falling in love with the state and the people. We spend a lot of time on the road, exploring this great state, fishing, hiking, camping, and enjoying each other's company. We are excellent travel buddies, and I can't imagine anyone else I'd want to share my life and my adventures with. We were truly meant to be, and I'm glad that fate brought us together.

Last year, I created a video slideshow to celebrate our 16th. Here it is:

April 5, 2012 - Happy Twentieth to Us!!

It's so hard to believe that we have been married 20 years now. The other day, while out running errands, we talked about our 20th anniversary and we both agreed it feels like we just got married a few years ago.

Our marriage, like all marriages, has had some bumps in the road. But getting over those bumps without sustaining any damage makes a marriage even stronger. I'm proud of the way we have weathered the storms and overcome the hardships.

If someone were to ask me what the secret of a long, happy marriage is, I think I'd have to answer that the most important thing is to always let them know that they are loved. Tell them how proud you are of them. Encourage them to be the best that they can be. Support them in their passions. Treat them with the same respect you would a friend. Thank them for working hard, or doing things around the house, or being there when you need an ear or a hug. Let them know that they are appreciated. Flirt with them. Laugh with them. Act goofy with them. Have fun! Life's too short not to enjoy it.

As for us... we're still in Alaska (going on 9 years this summer). Steve is still working, but we are hoping that he will be able to fully retire in 5 years. We continue to travel, and this past year we reached our goal to see all 50 of the United States, when we spent October in New England (stunning!). We hope to get back to Hawaii later on this year (to celebrate our 20th). During the summer months, we travel throughout Alaska, towing our camper, enjoying the scenery, and soaking up the midnight sun. We enjoy it so much because we do it together!

I hope that we are blessed with many more years.